I guess it had been a little too long since my last clutter clearing session, because I had completely forgotten how incredibly hard it is to go through your own stuff and let it go.
The day started out all wrong. After two coke zeros to energize me for a long drive through a snowstorm the night before, I had not slept well. I finally rolled out of bed, feeling like crap, but I was resolved: in order to get the new year started off right, I needed a good cleanse. So I got right to work...seriously, without even eating breakfast.
That was a mistake. After about an hour I was ready to fall over. I ate some oatmeal, reluctantly, and got back to work, working through each room of the house systematically until finally the day was over. I had a fabulous pile of donations and recycling ready to leave through the front door. The bags and boxes filled up my car. Technically, it had been a successful day...
...I still felt terrible. Whatever I was expecting to feel when it was all over (relieved? satisfied? relaxed?) was not how I was feeling! Not even close. I couldn't stop thinking about how many items I had held in my hands, knowing I hadn't worn that dress in over a year and probably never would again, acknowledging that those books from college were no longer interesting to me...and yet I had hung on. Inside my spirit there was a raging conflict between two feelings:
1. a powerful desire for change, freshness, letting go, new beginnings, and wide open space for maximum potential and explosive creation.
2. there is also profound gratitude for my life exactly as it is, perfect in all its imperfections, with an abundance of good things and silly things and awesome memories and potential.
It actually took a second day of work to feel satisfied with my home and ready to embrace 2012. Day 2 involved a massive rearrangement of the space and everything in it. The biggest challenge was a shocker: I was still hanging onto a self-sabotaging belief that I didn't deserve as much space as I wanted! Bullshit! So I've claimed it. Check out this photo of my expansive new home office and go claim your own space. Let your home be the skeleton for the life you want to live.